Sirius's Cages
by emuroo
Summary: For a great deal of his life Sirius Black felt that he lived in cages. Part of the Reflections series, but stands alone. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: Any character, place, event, or thing that you recognize isn't mine. It belongs to someone with a lot more money.

Dedication: Dani, an anonymous reviewer.

Sirius's Cages

Sirius felt that for much of his life he lived in cages. There were a lot of them, and they were all different. Still, if you asked him, he could tell you one thing that they all had in common. He hated them.

His first cage was his family. They were rigid, different from him. Being a child in the Black household wasn't easy. It was even harder being the firstborn; you had to be perfect. You couldn't get dirty, couldn't really be a kid. You had to have a certain set of beliefs. Had to think that you were better. Sirius hated it.

He hated that he wasn't supposed to like muggles or half bloods. Hated that he had to do everything that he was told. He hated having to learn manners that no other kid his age did. Not that he knew other kids. At least not outside of the family. He just figured that they weren't learning etiquette from crazy old men.

It was a sterling silver cage. A cage reinforced by magic. Nothing less expensive would do for the Black family. But it was still a cage. One that he couldn't escape. That was how it had been designed. After all, the heir to the Black fortune could not be allowed to be childish. The fact that he was a child was irrelevant.

His second cage was, he discovered, at school. At first he had thought that he was free. He was no longer under the watchful gaze of his family, no longer striving to please in order to stay safe. Now he was independent. Right? Not quite. He discovered to his horror that his peers had put him in a different sort of cage. One that was almost harder to fight. It was a cage made up of expectations. Even if he did something that the other students thought he wouldn't it wasn't real. They refused to believe it, so, as far as he was concerned, it meant nothing.

It was strange. At first he thought that he must be wrong. This was freedom. It had to be. Otherwise he was no better off here than at home. And he liked it better here. Slowly however he came to realize that his suspicions were correct. He wasn't entirely free to do what he wanted. In trying to escape the cage of rules that the school had set up he had built a cage of image. His image. The way other students saw him.

He had escaped a cage that the teachers had built. One of rules, one that to him was made of paper, easy to escape. So easy that he hadn't noticed doing it. But this had made the others around him expect things of him. Things that he didn't always want to do. They assumed that he could do well in school without studying. So he couldn't study. It was things that seemed small but were huge.

It was a cage of fiber. Each piece was weak alone, but combined they were strong. It was flexible, stretchy even, but not infinitely so.

His next cage was that of Voldemort. As the Dark Lord gained power Sirius's life changed. His plans changed. His goals changed. Now he wanted to make a difference. He felt that he had to do right, to make up for the wrongs that the rest of his family would do. The war put another cage on him. One that he entered willingly, but with a heavy heart. It was a cage of wood. A cage of duty. Easy enough to break, but only if you are willing. And he wasn't.

The cage after that was Azkaban. It was a cage of ice. A cage of ice in an Antarctic winter. Cold, dark, miserable. It could perhaps be melted with enough joy, but where was one to get that. Just as it was hard to find heat at the poles, it was near impossible to find joy in Azkaban. Sirius could merely sit, kept sane only by the knowledge that he was innocent. Even that might not have been enough had he not been able to become a dog.

It was the most literal cage, one truly designed to stop dangerous criminals from hurting others. There was no way to escape. Ever.

The last cage was the same as the first. Only now the silver was tarnished, dirty, old. It was a return to boyhood pain, a cage that came closer to breaking him than any of the others, for all that it seemed weaker. It was added to a cage of oaths, one of loyalty to a cause. One of frustration and loneliness. But it was different that many of the other cages.

It had a light. A light in the form of a teenage boy. A boy who Sirius loved more than anything. That boy made it all worthwhile. For as long as Harry Potter lived, Sirius could endure his cage.

And thus Sirius died. Protecting the boy who gave him a reason to live once more. Though he would not have wished to die, if he had to, that was how he'd have wanted to go. In battle. Fighting for a Potter.

Remus Lupin set down his quill sighing. It wasn't a very good speech, but that didn't matter, for there would be no funeral to give it at. Nonetheless it helped him. It helped him believe that there was reason to go on, even if his best friends were all dead. Perhaps someday Harry would read it, and it would help him to understand. For right now it would be tucked away, at the bottom of a desk drawer. Hidden from sight, save for when he needed reminding that his friend was happier now. Probably with James, one of the few people who he had never felt caged with. Soon enough Remus would join them. Then it would be worthwhile, and all the cages would disappear.

Author's note: This is part of a series called Reflections. They are about characters reflecting on a bunch of different things. There are seven more. They are about Luna, Snape, George, James, Remus, Dudley, Percy, and Draco. I am asking for suggestions of characters whose reflections you want to see. I will dedicate the story to you if you suggest a character, as well as sending you a message when I put the story up if you sign your review. Please be nice and give me suggestions. I promise to respond to every review.


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